In the past couple of months, there’s been a series of tragic suicides of gay teens across the United States. Asher Roth, Seth Walsh, Brian Lucas, Raymond Chase, Corey Jackson, Tyler Clementi, Brandon Bitner. All of these names represent suicides associated with sexuality-related bullying in just the past several weeks.
If gay teens are surrounded at school by people who reject them (and in some cases, bully and torment them too) on the basis of their sexuality, it’s likely that they’re going to be more at risk for depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, and possibly suicidal thoughts. Now, I don’t necessarily believe that having supportive parents will make it all better for these isolated teens, because peers are pretty influential at that age especially. But I do think that parents who accept, support, and continue to love their children regardless of their sexuality can make a very real and positive difference in their children’s mental state during a difficult time. Adolescence is a tough time for anyone, but it’s an even tougher for those who are different.
I know parents of gay children might have concerns – perhaps about their religion’s view of homosexuality, maybe about whether or not they will have grandkids one day, etc. But if any parents think that their suffering due to having a gay child is worse than their child’s suffering over potentially being isolated, rejected, and bullied, then they need to step back for a minute and think of the bigger picture. It is so important that parents don’t shun their children for being gay, because the kids at school are probably already doing enough of that. There’s only so much one person can take.
Positive parent-teen relationships can be an important influence in preventing more unnecessary deaths. There is a lot parents can do to be there for their children, and hopefully prevent them from becoming another tragic suicide. Listening, asking questions, letting them know they love them, making an effort to get to know their friends – essentially the same things that parents should do for any of their children, but it’s even more crucial for gay adolescents to have this extra support. Parents are not the only influence in their child’s lives, but they are still a big one. I hope parents take the gravity of their role seriously, and use it in a way that buffers their child against the negativity of the peer environment, rather than contributing to it.
Positive parent-teen relationships can be an important influence in preventing more unnecessary deaths. There is a lot parents can do to be there for their children, and hopefully prevent them from becoming another tragic suicide. Listening, asking questions, letting them know they love them, making an effort to get to know their friends – essentially the same things that parents should do for any of their children, but it’s even more crucial for gay adolescents to have this extra support. Parents are not the only influence in their child’s lives, but they are still a big one. I hope parents take the gravity of their role seriously, and use it in a way that buffers their child against the negativity of the peer environment, rather than contributing to it.
By Robyn Goldberg and Mark Dworkin LCSW
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